The thought of playing in our recitals literally gave Donna nightmares. I don’t require my students to play at recitals, but she did choose to attend and listen. She left the minutes the last note was played, not stopping to char and have refreshments, because it had made her too anxious simply to sit there and watch other students perform.
Gradually, this healing journey that Donna and I had undertaken began to enter more fruitful regions. She became more relaxed at lessons. Occasionally, instead of a harsh “No!” she would say, “I can do this.” A new acceptance grew in Donna’s heart, as she dropped the notion that she had to sound like Galway to be good, and embraced the possibility that her music was lovely.
When Donna told me, after two years, that she wanted to participate in our Christmas recital, I rejoiced, not because that is my goal for my students – it isn’t – but because that was her goal for herself. She selected a piece that was difficult for her. Although my students choose their pieces, I suggest alternates when there is a good reason not to play a particular piece. In Donna’s case, I said, “You can perform this one if you like. However, because of your history, we want to program for success, and another piece would be less demanding on your breathing. What’s important is that you feel good about yourself and have a satisfying experience.” Donna selected a different piece. We spent months preparing her piece, and even more deeply processing her fear of taking such a big step. Donna had asked me if she could back out at the last minute, and I had agreed. So on the day of the recital, I wasn’t sure if she’d actually show up.
But show up she did. When it was her turn, I said a special silent prayer for her. Donna played her piece beautifully, with composure, musical expression, and almost flawless technique. No one else in the room knew what an incredible struggle it had been for her to come to that point in her life. No one else knew of her courage, persistence and determination. But I was watching and hearing a miracle, and expression of nothing less than the mystery of the human spirit.
After the recital, Donna said, “Thank you, Helen, for helping me heal twenty-five years of pain. I fell wonderful and free. Do you know what helped me as I performed? From the corner of my eye, I noticed your foot moving in time to the music I played. That small gesture made me fell so supported and comforted and as though you were with me all the way.”
Last week Donna signed up for our spring recital.